April 2010

April has been a crazy month already! Matt's sister, Carolyn, married her sweetheart, Jesse on April 10 in the Denver, Colorado Temple. We are so grateful to have a new brother-in-law! They are so happy and cute together! We love you both! Enjoy your time as newlyweds in Rexburg, Idaho!

I snuck in a took a couple of pictures of my sweetie doing "manly things." He hung the blinds in the nursery and painted our bathroom. He did so much to get ready! Thanks so much! What a hunk!

We had quite the crowd at our home! My sweet nieces and nephew (and their parents of course!) stayed with us. I sure love those little ones to pieces! And we found out we are going to have another niece or nephew in November! My spidy insticts (aka my dreams) tell me it is going to be a niece!

Easter 2010

I am going to try and get caught up on some blogging. Here is just a small sampling of our Easter, just a few weeks late. :) We were so grateful to have General Conference to watch as well!

We have the Elders living at our home. Isn't it comforting to know the Easter Bunny and Santa find the missionaries wherever they are?

Wally was helping Matt put my basket away. He is such a good dog!

It is a tradition in Matt's family to hide the Easter baskets. It is something we have decided to continue with our family. Doogie was the first to find his basket full of treats and a new Easter toy.

100 Days and Counting....

It doesn't seem possible!
My little Blue will arrive in about 100 days. Actually though, we have talked and he has agreed to cook a week longer so I can finish my finals for my students. I am already miserable right now teaching at times, I'm not sure I am going to want that. I feel like I have so much left to do. I actually feel like I haven't even started to be honest!

I am growing my leaps and bounds and so is the little guy. I know, I know...I need to get pi cures posted. I was hoping that life would slow down after the wedding (Matt's sister) but it doesn't look to be so in the next couple of weeks. But all is well. My thoughts have recently turned to dread as I already worry about labor and delivery, breastfeeding, being up all night, not being a good mommy, going back to work after Blue arrives. I am a bundle of nerves! I try to keep reminding myself that God has a plan for our little family. I wish I could get a little insight into what this plan entails, but I suppose I will have to practice a little *gulp* patience.

My thoughts on Easter Morning

I would be very ungrateful to my loving Father in Heaven if I did not take this opportunity to blog on this beautiful Easter Morning. I have fallen into the trap of commercializing a holiday and forgetting the real meaning so this morning I had to do this for me.

The life of Jesus Christ has always been very interesting to me. A young virgin, Mary, was told she would carry and mother this Heavenly child. I cannot imagine the thoughts dear sweet Mary had running through her head. She was to bethroved to Joseph and was told she would bear a son, a child not his, who would grow up to be Jesus the Christ. She had much more faith than I can ever imagine having. She did not argue, she did not question, she did it with a happy heart. I am sure she was nervous and skeptical, but she did it. I have always loved Mary for her decisions and am ever so grateful she bore the Son of God! She journeyed, nine months pregnant, to Bethlehem and gave birth in a stable with animals. Oh, the humility of this woman! She nurtured her son up with all of the love a mother could have for a child. I know that Jesus knew who he was, but I know he also had to have a loving mother to guide him in the directions he needed to go. I am sure they lead each other. Thank you Mary! Thank you for all you did!

My thoughts this day seem to center around Marys. After Jesus was crucified on the cross, he was lain in the tomb of Joseph of Arimathea. He was wrapped in the proper burial clothing and a large stone was placed in front of the tomb. Mary Magdalene went to check on Jesus three days after he had been placed in the tomb. When she arrived, the large stone was rolled away and the garments which Jesus had been wrapped in lay on the stone slab he was placed. Mary ran to the the disciples to let them know. When they arrived, they saw the atrocity. I am sure they were thinking, "They crucify our Lord and now they steal His body." They did not know that He would rise again. They left. They were saddened by the loss of their friend, their leader, their Savior. But Mary Magdalene stayed behind and wept. What follows is some of my favorite scripture:

John 20:11-17

But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulchre,and seeth two angels in white sitting, the one at the head and the other at the feet, where the body of Jesus had lain.

And they say unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? She saith unto them, Because they have taken away my Lord, and I know not where they have laid him.

And when she had thus said, she turned herself back, and saw Jesus standing, and knew not it was Jesus.

Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest though? Whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, if though have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away.

Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say, Master.

Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God an your God.

He rose again! He lives again! He was resurrected!

It's A......

Baby Boy was being extremely difficult during the ultrasound. He kept moving and jumping all over the place. I told the tech, "He is just like his daddy, very stubborn!" Blue would turn away from the camera at all costs. He better get used to pictures!

When the tech went to look for the sex the first time, Blue had his little legs shut as tight as could be. She continued on taking pictures of the rest of the body, but wherever she put her fancy wand, he put his little hands. I joked that he was going to be an artist or a massage therapist because he had something going on with his hands. If she wanted pictures of his face, he put his hands up. If she wanted pictures of his belly, he put his hands there. I couldn't help but smile. Unfortunately though, we didn't get pictures of everything we needed because of his stubbornness. So, we will try again next month. (Imagine my disappointment when I was told I would HAVE to get another ultrasound next month to remeasure some things).

At the end she went down to look to see what sex Blue was. Keep in mind, we have been waiting five years for the little one. We have had very vivid dreams and visions, and we were about 98% sure it was a boy, but we wanted proof. At first she said, "I'm 60% sure its a boy." 60%?? That is NOT very sure. She looked and poked and checked a bit more and moved her estimate up to 85%, but she suggested not painting the nursery yet.

We are thrilled and excited! We know his name is Steven. This is Matt's first name (he goes by his middle name) and Matt's Dad's name. We are unsure of the middle name. We have it narrowed down to 3, but we have toyed with not settling on anything for sure until we meet him. And we are still trying to decide on a Portuguese middle name as well, something we have planned on doing since before we even met each other. Thanks for all of your support and love! We are beaming parents!

ps. The cord for the scanner is still MIA. Man, moving is the pits! Hopefully, grandmas and great grandmas are getting antsy for ultrasound pics, so if no cord can come up this week, I am going to buy one! Hopefully soon.

Memory of a Heartbeat

Ahh...3am...the very bain of my existence!
It is almost like clockwork...up at 3am. I am not necessarily complaining, I would just prefer to be asleep.

As I got up to use the restroom this morning, a memory popped into my head and I can't seem to fall back asleep. What else should I do with such memories except write them down. Of course!

When I found out I was pregnant I was delighted, but so very apprehensive. I have lost two confirmed pregnancies in the past and I was worried about this one as well. Everyone told me not to put it out there, not to worry about it because I may manifest it for myself, but how do you tell someone who has loved and lost not to worry? So, I worried.

At 8 weeks, we went in for our first appointment. It was nothing I hadn't been through before. Weight, urine, questions, etc. And then the ultrasound. Again, I have been through this before. With my very first pregnancy, I could see a "blob" on the ultrasound machine. I had a picture of the baby. With the second, it was just to confirm that yes, I had had a miscarriage. Because it was so early, it was an internal ultrasound.

The third time was different though. There was my perfectly formed, 3cm from head to rump, little tiny baby. The tech took all sorts of measurements and pressed from all kinds of angles and then she pressed a button, a shiny button. that forever changed who I am as a woman and a mother. When she pushed this button I heard something I had not hear up until this point....I heard my baby's heartbeat. I heard it clear as anything I have ever heard before in my life. "150 beats a minute. Sounds good," she says. And then almost as quick as it was there, it was gone. I remember pleading with her to please turn it back on for just another second, but I know they are pressed for time (and to be completely honest with you, I don't think she took me seriously). In five years, countless times waiting, trying, watching, negative test after negative test, I had heard a sound I would remember forever. I heard my little one's heartbeat!

How do you describe complete elation? Complete love? Complete joy?
There are no words. But as I looked up at Matt, he had tears streaming down his face. He had also had his moment with his little one, the one we had created together. We love each other very deeply, but within that moment in time, our eyes and our hearts locked and we loved each other a little bit more.

As we prepare for our third ultrasound, my heart is heavy with joy and with worry. I am elated again to see "Blue" (as we have been affectionately calling the little one) and to hear that glub of the machine, but I am frightened beyond all get out. I guess I probably will be until that little one is placed in my arms. And so I worry, but it is those moments, those small seconds in time, I have learned to lean on in times of worry.

Cinderella has been my favorite movie of all times since I was a little girl. I remember laying on my bed with my daddy and watching it over and over and over again. As the adult I am now, I have often pondered if he was really watching the movie, or just enjoying the time spent with his little girl. When I think of my childhood, this is one of my fondest memories.

Cinderella really did have everything I ever dreamed of. No matter how many times I watched the movie, her foot always fit the slipper and she always lived happily ever after with the handsome prince. Even as an adult, I watch the movie in great anticipation wondering if her foot has grown and the prince would marry one of the evil step sisters. I love that I have tried to live my life as this fairytale. I always try to make it "Happily Ever After" no matter what that looks like.

I have been doing so much pondering, so much thinking, and some shedding of tears, in anticipation for this little one to arrive. I only want him or her to live "Happily Ever After." I want nothing but happiness and joy for them. And so, I leave with my favorite song from Cinderella, one I already sing to whomever is in there:

A dream is a wish your heart makes,When you're fast asleep,
In dreams you lose your heartaches,Whatever you wish for, you keep.
Have faith in your dreams and someday,
Your rainbow will come smiling through,
No matter how your heart is grieving,If you keep on believing,
The dream that you wish will come true.