Mother's Day 2012

I have done a lot of thinking and pondering about Mother's day over the last several years.  There were many Sundays I went to church without a baby in my arms and tried to act happy about this day.  There were many, many tears shed, many days when my heart was broken, my arms ached to hold a baby, to be a mother.  I wish I could speak to my younger self with the knowledge I now have and tell her a few things.

Listen self, holding an infant in your arms doesn't necessarily makes you a mother.  Loving others makes you a mother.  I was an Aunt to 2 nieces and a nephew before I was a mom, and I tried my darndest to be the best Aunt I could be.  I served in primary and I loved those children desperately and did my best to teach them that they have a Heavenly Father who loves them.  I was a wife, daughter, grand-daughter, aunt, sister....all of those titles helped prepare me. 

And now, I have the opportunity to be a different kind of mother.  I gave birth to my sweet little boy nearly 2 years ago.  Two mother's days ago I was beyond huge and pregnant with my sweet angel baby.  I remember Matt gave me a corsage that to this day still hangs in my kitchen.  He was so excited to be a daddy.  I was even more excited to see my baby, the baby I had dreamed about for years and years prior. 

Fast forward...2012.  My sweet little boy sat down with his Daddy this morning and made me a cute little paper card.  Matt fixed me breakfast.  Steven made the cutest little card for me in nursery (with his hand-prints all over it because that is his favorite thing to do anytime he gets a crayon, pen or any writing utensil in his hand.  Luckily, he has amazing nursery leaders who indulge his fascination with tracing his hands).  Steven is the love of my life.  I am grateful he can calls me "Mama." 

I hope and pray everyday that I can be worthy of him.  I hope that he will always be proud and happy to call me his Mama.  I love you Steven, so dearly.  You will never know the tears that were shed before you arrived, or the tears shed after.  You are my Bug.  You bring me so much light.  Thanks for helping me make me a Mommy!