Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I'm still alive

I realize I haven't done a lot of updating. I think part of it is that I am waiting for something amazing to happen, and it just doesn't seem to be. We have put bids on three different houses and been outbid every single time. This last one was very upsetting because we walked into the house and felt so "at home." I could picture my little boys throwing parachute men off the staircase (and even jumping off and breaking an arm), late night book reading in my master suite, birthday parties in the back yard...we even overbid on the home by $7,000, but the house went for $25,000 more than the listing price. We didn't stand a chance. I even bought furniture, we were so certain and had such a great feeling about this one! I guess the furniture will really go in any home. :)

So, we have some frustration around the house. Thank goodness for an amazing realtor. She is in my in-laws ward and she said, "Maybe we are looking in the wrong places. Heavenly Father must have a special place for you prepared and we just need to find where that is." She said that her family would fast for us this Sunday to find the place where we needed to be. We have asked all of our family to do the same so we may "find the place which God for us prepared." In the meantime, we are so grateful to my in-laws for letting us bunk with them. I love them dearly!!! They are incredible people, but I think I am ready for my own place. :)

Somewhere around eighth grade I was diagnosed with clinical depression. It isn't something I am extremely open about because of the stigmas that so many people have about depression. One thing I am certain is that I am not faking it (as I was told so many times). I am seen by so many as a typically happy person, and I am! But things have been so hard lately. I try to stay positive, I try to keep the faith. I don't use my depression as an excuse as to why I have been so down lately. I am working hard.

Thank you for all of your kind words and support! I am so blessed to have such amazing friends and family! I love you all so dearly and I miss you!

12 comments:

The Stanford Bunch said...

hey, what's your email address?

James, Stephanie & Kayley said...

Glad to see an update from you. We will think about you this Fast Sunday as well.
Stephanie

Suzie-Q said...

Oh what a bummer about the house, all of the. There are just too many other people out there looking at the same houses as you.
I'm so glad that you are getting through this tough time. It is nice to know that you have a great support from all you friends and family.
How is everything else going in your life. Work, the dog? you know you can write about anything on here so that we know that you are still hanging in there.

Our fingers are crossed for you.

The Figgins said...

I think people don't understand depression. You can be a happy person who struggles with depression. I am mostly happy but sometimes I can't get happy in my heart even though I'm trying not to show it. You just mask it well which I suppose is a compliment.

Savannah said...

How frustrating about that home. Wow, I can't believe with the market like it is that it went for that much more. I hope you find a place soon. It's nice your in-laws let you stay there, but it is so much nicer to have a place of your own. I will be sure to include you in my prayers. We are fasting for a birth mom situation ourselves this upcoming weekend.
I know depression is real, but even then I still don't completely understand it. I'm glad you don't let it get you down too much and keep moving forward.

Lisa said...

Glad to hear from you. I'm so sorry about the houses. I totally understand the depression - I have it too. I even have a private blog dedicated to it. I love you lots and I am always here for you. E-mail me or call me if you need me!

Melinda said...

You really should check out Melissa (Lenahan) Christensen's cousin's blog, it's off the right of mine, called "Halfway Beautiful" about her journey with depression, specifically bi-polar disorder that she has, she is so amazing with helping you to understand everything. I even understand my own post-partum depression better through her perspective and I am so glad that you were there for me when I went through my trial with depression. I have been searching for something more specific to fast about for this month, so this is it!! And when you have your boys, I truly hope they never break an arm!!

Melinda said...

PS, for that "pay it forward" winning thing on my blog, yours came to me first and it's about half way complete....maybe 1/3 done. I'll wait to find out what your address is until it's totally complete :-) Because who knows where you could be in even a few weeks!

Eaton Family said...

So frustrating to not find or get the house you want. I think we put bids in on 3 homes before we got the one we're in. But now I couldn't imagine being anywhere else! Keep chugging away...

Darci and Ryan said...

Hey--if I recall right it is your b-day later this week so happy birthday!!!!! Sorry about the house thing, it is SO frustrating, but you will end up where you are meant to be.

Emily said...

Sorry things are hard right now. The waiting game is horrible. We're staying at my parents right now waiting for Sean to get a job. It's hard to not know what the future holds but it always seems to work out, just not always in our timing, but always in the Lords.

Shantal said...

I love you Brandy!!!