Sunday, February 28, 2010

Cinderella has been my favorite movie of all times since I was a little girl. I remember laying on my bed with my daddy and watching it over and over and over again. As the adult I am now, I have often pondered if he was really watching the movie, or just enjoying the time spent with his little girl. When I think of my childhood, this is one of my fondest memories.

Cinderella really did have everything I ever dreamed of. No matter how many times I watched the movie, her foot always fit the slipper and she always lived happily ever after with the handsome prince. Even as an adult, I watch the movie in great anticipation wondering if her foot has grown and the prince would marry one of the evil step sisters. I love that I have tried to live my life as this fairytale. I always try to make it "Happily Ever After" no matter what that looks like.

I have been doing so much pondering, so much thinking, and some shedding of tears, in anticipation for this little one to arrive. I only want him or her to live "Happily Ever After." I want nothing but happiness and joy for them. And so, I leave with my favorite song from Cinderella, one I already sing to whomever is in there:

A dream is a wish your heart makes,When you're fast asleep,
In dreams you lose your heartaches,Whatever you wish for, you keep.
Have faith in your dreams and someday,
Your rainbow will come smiling through,
No matter how your heart is grieving,If you keep on believing,
The dream that you wish will come true.

Monday, February 22, 2010

More Diligent and Concerned at Home

What is a girl to do when she can't sleep? Two mornings in a row I have woken up at 3am and can't get back to sleep for the life of me. It is so super annoying and I am super tired! I got this amazingly nasty viral infection and I am just miserable. The doc said there is really nothing I can do but rest and wait it out. In the mean time, I feel really quite awful! But, on a happy note, he gave me a note from work saying I can return when "I feel better." Really? Does this mean I can be out indefinitely? It does say until I feel better? The nurse and I had a good laugh at that one. I really need to be back by Wednesday, so hopefully taking today and resting up.

This is a post I have been wanting to write for about a week, but just haven't gotten around to it. What a perfect way to start the day!

On Valentine's Day, our wonderful friends spoke in Sacrament Meeting. She was assigned Elder Bednar's last General Conference talk entitled, "More Diligent and Concerned at Home." Elder Bednar expressed three ways we can be more diligent at home.

Suggestion Number One: Express Love-And Show it
I think Matt and I are pretty good at this. We make it a habit several times a day to tell each other how much we love each other. I am so eternally grateful for him and his amazingness! He constantly does little things for me to let me know each day he loves me. What are some things you and your spouse do to show each other in the "little ways" that you love each other?

Suggestion Number Two: Bear Testimony and Live it
"Each of us already knows we should bear testimony to the people we love the most. But what we know is not always reflected in what we do. We may feel unsure, awkward, or even perhaps a bit embarrassed.
As disciples of the Savior, we are not merely striving to know more; rather, we need to consistently do more of what we know is right and become better.
We should remember that bearing a heartfelt testimony is only a beginning. We need to bear testimony, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to live it. We need to both declare and live our testimonies."

Suggestion Number Three: Be Consistent
I think this is the one I need the most work with. I can list 100 different excuses, but they are just that, excuses. Matt and I know we need to be more consistent with scripture study, prayer and family home evening. We need to make it a habit soon!

My friend relayed these three things and said something to significant I don't think I will ever forget it. To paraphrase, she said that so many marriages are falling apart. We hear the term, "We fell out of love with each other." She said, "How can you fall out of love? You CHOSE each other!" A wave fell over me as if I had been struck by lightening...We chose our our companions! When they said, "Will you marry me for time and all eternity?" we said yes! And then we went a step further and willingly planned a wedding and knelt across the alter from each other. And then she took it a step you ever hear a mother or father say about their children, "I just feel out of love with him/her. I don't love him/her anymore"?
We didn't even get to chose our children! They just came to us. Very interesting concept. Something I will always carry in my heart!

ps...I realize that I haven't posted pictures in a very long time! We are working on the scnner and who knows where the camera cord went to in the move, but definately things we need to work out very soon! :)

Friday, February 19, 2010

Shedding a Tear

I read my friend's blog today and found out she miscarried twins nearly a month ago and didn't know. My heart aches for her and I have shed tears of saddness for her and her sweet family. I have been there and I don't know what to say. Sometimes, there just are no words. The only thing I can conclude, is life is not fair! It simply is not fair. I found an amazing quote earlier:

"Life's not always fair. Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow." ~Cherralea Morgen

I wish I could take the pain away. I wish I was there to give a big hug. But please know, my prayers are with you. I love you!

Friday, February 12, 2010

My sweet Husband

I'm not sure if it is because Valentine's Day is so quickly approaching or all of the hormones (I suppose it could be a good combination of both!) but I can't seem to get my sweet husband off of my mind. He is in the room over still sleeping, but I had to take a moment to blog about him. He is such an amazing man and I really can't figure out what I ever did to deserve him! I just want to give you an example:

Last night we were going to find a shower gift for his sister and of course, our conversation of choice lately is the baby. I asked him what kind of parent he sees himself being and he said, "A very hands on parent." I see the way he interacts with our nieces and nephew and I believe this to be true.

He has taken such good care of me as I have been so sick with this pregnancy. He comes to rub my back while I am hunched over the toilet throwing up everything I have eaten ever because he knows I am scared of not being able to breathe again. He makes sure I have everything I need and want.

I could go on for days, but I love him dearly! How grateful I am for his kindness, his love, his generosity, his chivalry, the little gestures of love he shows everyday. Para sempre meu amor!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Baby A is on the Way!

It all seems so surreal.
I keep thinking it's a dream and I will wake up, and it will all be gone.

Since I was a little girl, the only thing I really ever wanted was to get married and have a family. When I wasn't married by the time I was 20, I thought I was watching my dreams crumble before my eyes. In fact, Prince Charming didn't come to get me with his big white horse until I was 22. When we had been married a little over a year, we decided it was time to go off of birth control and start trying to grow our family.

It didn't work.

In fact, we tried relentlessly, endlessly, tirelessly....hopelessly....for five years. We had been through test after test and the only thing that came back was one of my hormones was low. Clomid was the answer. My doctor said we would try three rounds and then start talking about in-vitro options. I thought I had been punched in the stomach. How could it be that the one thing I want, had prayed for, had even gone so far as to ask Santa Claus for, was evading me? In every other sense of the word, we were happy.

One round of Clomid. I got through it and I asked a fellow instructor, "So, am I pregnant yet?" (All of the students call her a Ninja because she is just that intuitive!) She did a couple of things and said, "I think so. Go take a test." So I bought a pregnancy test. It was negative.

I told Ninja it was negative. She looked at me again and said, "Yeah, I think I was mistaken." But I have had literally dozens and dozens of negative pregnancy tests over the past five years so it wasn't a big deal to me. And a week later, I decided to test again for some reason.

Two pink lines. I didn't believe it, so I did it three more times.
And then again a week later to make sure it wasn't a fluke.
And then again a week later because I still didn't believe it.

November 11...Our missionaries would be moving in and I knew I had to tell Matthew. I went to Target and bought these cute little baby football shoes and wrapped them up. I got out my recorder and gave him the box. "What does it all mean?" he says. "We are pregnant!" My great big husband became putty. Since, he has taken care of me, catered to my every throw up and cry of pain. He is everything and more than I could have ever hoped for.

Our due date for "Baby Blue" (as we have been calling the baby) is July 22, and we couldn't be any happier. I have been sick Sick SICK!! Even now at 16 weeks I have to be extremely careful about what I eat because more than likely, I will throw it up. I have started eating with the thought, "Yeah, I think this will taste okay coming back up." But I will take it. I will take every bit of nauseousness, heartburn, swelling and sensitivity to smells that I can. Because it means I am not dreaming. It means baby is really in there. It means Blue is healthy.

One thing I have learned from all of this is it has nothing at ALL to do with MY timing. MY timing means nothing. I can sure tell you, this is not the time I would choose to have a baby. Raises haven't come through for two years and Matt is out of a job. And I always said I didn't want to be pregnant during summer. MY time means nothing. I think Heavenly Father is saying, "Trust me my daughter. I have this all worked out, if you would just trust me." And so, I am learning more to trust. I am learning more to relinquish control because, there is a greater plan.

Monday, February 1, 2010

A Quick Catch Up

I was stunned, astounded, even a bit horrified that I have not blogged since OCTOBER! i have missed being "connected" to the world via computer access. Matt got the Internet hooked up last week and I was so stoked to be able to blog again, only to find out our modem went out. I am supposed to be grading papers, but I decided I better blog while I have the opportunity.

How does one even begin to catch up on the last few months of our lives? I'll see what I can catch up on quickly....
We moved into our home in October. It is such a beautiful home and I really need to clean so I can get some pictures posted. How lucky and blessed we are! It is in our ward which is lucky for me as I get to continue to be the Sunbeam teacher. It has been a blessing beyond comprehension for me. I have learned so much about the Gospel and children from those little ones!
In November, we had our first set of missionaries move into our home. It, as well, as been a blessing. The spirit is so strong in our home and we are grateful to be able to house two of Heavenly Father's choice servants. I think it has taken some major adjustments on our end, but having them here is a blessing. Matt and I would get spooked out living in this huge house all by ourselves, so we are grateful for two more warm bodies.
In November, we also discovered....WE ARE PREGNANT! It still seems so surreal, but we are so grateful for the opportunity to become parents. (I plan on blogging specifically about that as well. )
Matt is still looking for a job and we hope it comes soon so I can stay home with the little one, due July 22. Wally and Doogie are such great additions to our family. Before we found out the little one was coming, we talked about how our family felt kinda "complete" with the two "boys." Wally knows all sorts of tricks and makes us smile constantly. Doogie just stares at the pup and I think laughs on the inside.

We have been tested and tried and we are so grateful for the blessings that we do have.