Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas!

This is such a special time of year in which we celebrate the birth of Our Savior, Jesus Christ. How grateful I am to Heavenly Father for sending His son be born in such humble circumstances of a virgin and a man who would raise him as his own. Jesus came into the world on a sacred, silent night in a manger. I often ponder about Mary and what she was feeling, what she went through. There were no doctors, nothing hygienic about the situation. Surrounded by animals and with her sweet husband Joseph, Mary gave birth to our Savior, our Redeemer Jesus Christ. How grateful I am to Mary and Joseph for trusting Heavenly Father's plan for them, and for this little tiny babe, who would grow up to be something more than I am sure they could even fathom.

Last night we had part of our Christmas celebration early because my nieces and their parents are flying over to spend Christmas with her family. Part of our Christmas tradition is for all of the returned Missionaries to share their testimonies in the language they spoke. Every single one of them said something about the fact that without the Atonement, the birth of Jesus Christ would have been just another baby born into the world. There is so much I need to learn and understand about the Atonement of Jesus Christ, but I know that He lived and died for me. I know that I am a child of God and He loves me. There are times I question things, but I know it is true.

I am so grateful for my testimony of Jesus Christ and the love He brings to me. I know I am the person I am today by and large because of the Atonement and His infinite love and grace. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas! I am so grateful to have such amazing, wonderful friends who care so deeply and purely! May your Christmas be filled with love, laughter and the spirit of our Savior!

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Mall Santa

Your thoughts, your prayers, your love...it has all been so greatly appreciated! I can't even begin to tell you what it all means to me. Everytime I write a post where I think, "This is stupid. Why would anyone want to read my whining and complaining about my infertility?" you all write such beautiful things. Thank you.

I have been following the blogs of several women, many whom are LDS, struggling with infertility. I realize that I am only at the beginning of my journey. I cannot even comprehend what they have been through. IUIs, IVFs, medications, acupuncture, supplements, the list goes on and on. Many are terms I have never even heard of. So I am making a commitment to myself, to my husband, to my future children (wherever they are) that I will be healthier, I will do everything I can to get them here. I will visit the OB/GYN again in January to continue fertility testing. (We had to stop after getting pregnant and then miscarrying in September).

Everyday is hard for a woman dealing with infertility, but holidays are particularly difficult! I was in the mall Saturday with my Mother and Sister-in-law and there was a mall Santa. I looked at him with the little children and my heart ached. I saw a woman with triplets, one with twins, another with six children at her side....I am so happy for them all, please don't get me wrong. I wanted to march myself right up to the bearded man in red and tell him that I wanted a baby for Christmas; one that cries, spits up, poops, never sleeps, I would take it all! But there is someone greater than Santa Claus, and that is Heavenly Father. I HAVE to believe that He has a plan greater!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Late night thoughts and ramblings

I have contemplated many times about starting a blog just about my infertility struggles, and it is definitely something I am still pondering. My dear friend said I should just add it to this blog because people want to know what is going on, but I always feel like I am whining and venting.

I feel so compelled to write tonight, despite the fact that I am tired and I have a 14 hour day tomorrow. I'm not really sure what I am supposed to say, just that I need to express some things that have been on my mind as of late.

Please, my dear friends, do not be scared to share with me about your joys, your successes in getting pregnant and the amazing things your children do. I am the happiest, proudest aunt in the entire world and those two little girls make my life worth living everyday! I love hearing of your excitement and everything happening in your lives. Is it hard? You bet! But the thought of being left out, or the thought you worrying about offending me hurts me the most. Please, continue to share and let me rejoice with you!

My heart aches. I try to stay happy and upbeat, and I feel like maybe this post is happening because I haven't had a really good cry for a couple of weeks. Perhaps this is the catalyst for it to happen. There really isn't a handbook on feelings and what we are supposed to feel during different struggles in our lives. So I would encourage everyone, despite whatever you are going through, to just let it come. Don't hold back.

I know this is completely random, just things that have been on my mind as of late, but I would like to share a bit of a quote from a fellow LDS blogger also dealing with infertility issues.
"The next time any of us sees a sister in crisis, I hope we will shut our mouths and open our arms. Share your opinion if need be, but cushion it with love and compassion. A hand to hold is worth a thousand pieces of advice. "

Sending my love! Thank you for opening your arms!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

A video that will make you Drool

I was listening to Josh Groban at my desk yesterday while grading papers. A student came by and we both drooled for a minute. Then she told me of a You Tube video that had Josh Groban and Michael Buble in it, two of my favorite artists!! I wanted to share it all with you. (Thanks Kym for showing me how. I don't know where I would be without your computer expertise!! Love ya)
ps. remember to pause the pretty Christmas music on the side. I always forget that part. :)

Christmas Tag

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends.
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I am usually a bag girl, but during Christmas, it is all about the paper!
2. Real tree or Artificial? I love the smell of a real tree, but growing up, we always had an artificial tree. A couple years ago Matt and I had a real tree and it was SOO much work. For now, we will settle for our stubby little tree. :)
3. When do you put up the tree? The day after Thanksgiving. It has been that way since I was a little girl.
4. When do you take the tree down? Around January 2
5. Do you like eggnog? Yes - I never liked it until this year. I had a drink of Matt's mixed with 1/2 milk and it was pretty good.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? I remember my Grandma Jensen got me a porcelain doll every year. When she passed away, my Grandma Willey carried on the tradition.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? A few of them. I decided I wanted to collect Nativity scenes, so we are going to be looking for some unique ones over the next few years.
8. Hardest person to buy for? Matt's family
9. Easiest person to buy for? Matt...I love spending money on him!
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I'm with Kym on this one. I LOVE decorating my door with cards and then I keep them. The following year, I read them as I put up my Christmas stuff.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I can't think of one.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? I love the classics like Rudolph, White Christmas
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? When I get a chance. I always say I am going to be done by June, but don't usually start until the day after Thanksgiving.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I don't think Christmas gifts, but definitely wedding gifts.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Anything sweet. I get a bug to bake around October and in December, I just want to bake all the time. I remember very vividly my Dad's fudge and nut horns. I asked him for his fudge recipe this year and he said it was the one off the back of the Marshmallow can!
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree ? I love the clear lights because our ornaments have so much color.
17. Favorite Christmas song? I love "Mary Let me Hold her Baby" from the Forgotten Carols. It speaks so strongly to me. "Those like me who can't have children, still can be mothers. Something in His eyes convinced me, I could serve so many others."
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Growing up, we were always at home. Since being married, Matt and I have traveled to either parents'. The in-laws still have 3 teenagers and one little one at home and then we have 2 nieces, and watching the little ones' eyes light up is my favorite part of Christmas!
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen and Rudolph. And how could I forget the 10th reindeer, Olive. (Olive, the other reindeer...)
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Our first Christmas, we hunted everywhere for a tree topper. We found an angel that we loved and she sits atop every year now.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Always Christmas Morning
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? I agree with Kym about the music: I refuse to listen to Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving. From there, it is full blast! I also hate that I have so much to do with different parties, events to attend, finals at school, that I don't get to sit and enjoy and think about the season as much as I would really like.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I always thought I wanted a really fancy, beautifully decorated tree. In fact, our first year together, we went out and purchased fancy bulbs and such because I had it in my head what I wanted the tree to look like. Toward Christmas, Matt's mom gave us as box of ornaments from Matt's childhood. They get a new ornament every year, sometimes depending on what happened that year. Now, we don't even put bulbs on, just Matt's ornaments and ones I/We have gotten/boughts since being married. It is sooo fun to pull them out every year and see this big, strong man gently place his beloved ornaments on the branches.
24. Favorite food Christmas dinner? In my family growing up, we always had nachos Christmas eve and then our big dinner Christmas day. Matt's family has dinner on the Eve. I just really love food.
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A pink I-pod with pink speakers
26. Favorite Christmas tradition? As stated above, we would eat nachos and watch movies Christmas Eve and then look at Christmas lights around town. I love Matt's family traditions of acting out the Nativity (always the 3 wise guys!!), Dad reading from the Bible, and singing Silent Night in German. Matt and I have talked about someday incorporating some of our traditions growing up and making our own, like pajamas on Christmas Eve, buying a new book every year.
27. Tag 5 people - Let's just say, if you have a blog and you are reading this - you have been tagged!