Monday, December 22, 2008

The Mall Santa

Your thoughts, your prayers, your love...it has all been so greatly appreciated! I can't even begin to tell you what it all means to me. Everytime I write a post where I think, "This is stupid. Why would anyone want to read my whining and complaining about my infertility?" you all write such beautiful things. Thank you.

I have been following the blogs of several women, many whom are LDS, struggling with infertility. I realize that I am only at the beginning of my journey. I cannot even comprehend what they have been through. IUIs, IVFs, medications, acupuncture, supplements, the list goes on and on. Many are terms I have never even heard of. So I am making a commitment to myself, to my husband, to my future children (wherever they are) that I will be healthier, I will do everything I can to get them here. I will visit the OB/GYN again in January to continue fertility testing. (We had to stop after getting pregnant and then miscarrying in September).

Everyday is hard for a woman dealing with infertility, but holidays are particularly difficult! I was in the mall Saturday with my Mother and Sister-in-law and there was a mall Santa. I looked at him with the little children and my heart ached. I saw a woman with triplets, one with twins, another with six children at her side....I am so happy for them all, please don't get me wrong. I wanted to march myself right up to the bearded man in red and tell him that I wanted a baby for Christmas; one that cries, spits up, poops, never sleeps, I would take it all! But there is someone greater than Santa Claus, and that is Heavenly Father. I HAVE to believe that He has a plan greater!

8 comments:

Lisa said...

You are so amazing to be dealing with something this hard. I know the Lord will bless you for it!

Darci and Ryan said...

Love you Brandy!! Have a Merry Christmas!
P.S. The snow globes were just baby food jars with glitter and sequins in them with the lids painted and super glued shut, nothing fancy but it fascinates the kids. :-)

Rhonda said...

Oh, Brandy! I love you so much! I wish we lived closer to each other so you could help out with your new niece when she arrives. I know that because of you and other people I know that are in your situation, I will be so grateful for every sleepless night, blow-out diaper, and spit-up on shirt. Wishing I could see you for the holidays!

Rhonda said...

Oh, I forgot to thank you for the Christmas card! We've had one for you sitting on our counter but didn't have your address, so when we got yours yesterday I quickly filled it in and Kurtis mailed it off to you. Sorry it won't be ther before Christmas, but better late than never, right?!

Rawlings Family said...

I know you'll be an amazing mother. I wish you didn't have to wait or go through these trials to get your wish. You've been a great friend to lend a listening ear to me so if I can do anything let me know. Merry Christmas and we'll always keep you in our prayers.

Get Bent said...

Love you Brandy! You are amazing.
I sometimes wonder about my chronic back pain the same way. Why me? How do people deal with this? I just don't want to hurt anymore...

Thank you for sharing.

Criscell said...

My heart aches for you, Brandy! You are constantly in my prayers! May you be blessed for your constant positive attitude about this hard trial. Merry Christmas! LOVE U!

Lacey said...

Hey there, I love you Brandy, you are the strongest, sweetest, most beautiful person I know. You always have a smile on your face and I miss you like crazy! Take care, and you can contact me if you ever want to get together and vent! Love you