Baby A is on the Way!

It all seems so surreal.
I keep thinking it's a dream and I will wake up, and it will all be gone.

Since I was a little girl, the only thing I really ever wanted was to get married and have a family. When I wasn't married by the time I was 20, I thought I was watching my dreams crumble before my eyes. In fact, Prince Charming didn't come to get me with his big white horse until I was 22. When we had been married a little over a year, we decided it was time to go off of birth control and start trying to grow our family.

It didn't work.

In fact, we tried relentlessly, endlessly, tirelessly....hopelessly....for five years. We had been through test after test and the only thing that came back was one of my hormones was low. Clomid was the answer. My doctor said we would try three rounds and then start talking about in-vitro options. I thought I had been punched in the stomach. How could it be that the one thing I want, had prayed for, had even gone so far as to ask Santa Claus for, was evading me? In every other sense of the word, we were happy.

One round of Clomid. I got through it and I asked a fellow instructor, "So, am I pregnant yet?" (All of the students call her a Ninja because she is just that intuitive!) She did a couple of things and said, "I think so. Go take a test." So I bought a pregnancy test. It was negative.

I told Ninja it was negative. She looked at me again and said, "Yeah, I think I was mistaken." But I have had literally dozens and dozens of negative pregnancy tests over the past five years so it wasn't a big deal to me. And a week later, I decided to test again for some reason.

Positive.
Two pink lines. I didn't believe it, so I did it three more times.
And then again a week later to make sure it wasn't a fluke.
And then again a week later because I still didn't believe it.

November 11...Our missionaries would be moving in and I knew I had to tell Matthew. I went to Target and bought these cute little baby football shoes and wrapped them up. I got out my recorder and gave him the box. "What does it all mean?" he says. "We are pregnant!" My great big husband became putty. Since, he has taken care of me, catered to my every throw up and cry of pain. He is everything and more than I could have ever hoped for.

Our due date for "Baby Blue" (as we have been calling the baby) is July 22, and we couldn't be any happier. I have been sick Sick SICK!! Even now at 16 weeks I have to be extremely careful about what I eat because more than likely, I will throw it up. I have started eating with the thought, "Yeah, I think this will taste okay coming back up." But I will take it. I will take every bit of nauseousness, heartburn, swelling and sensitivity to smells that I can. Because it means I am not dreaming. It means baby is really in there. It means Blue is healthy.

One thing I have learned from all of this is it has nothing at ALL to do with MY timing. MY timing means nothing. I can sure tell you, this is not the time I would choose to have a baby. Raises haven't come through for two years and Matt is out of a job. And I always said I didn't want to be pregnant during summer. MY time means nothing. I think Heavenly Father is saying, "Trust me my daughter. I have this all worked out, if you would just trust me." And so, I am learning more to trust. I am learning more to relinquish control because, there is a greater plan.