A few thoughts....

Every morning, I am up somewhere between the hours of 2am and 3am, not because my sweet baby is awake, but because I pump milk with my breast pump. He has been sleeping through the night since 8 weeks (which to this day still scares me but everyone, including our pediatrician says I should be grateful and enjoy a good nights sleep) so I take the opportunity to try to build up my freezer supply as I am working. When my alarm goes off, it takes me awhile to get up. I have even resorted to putting my phone (alarm clock) across the room so I have to get out of bed to get it. Otherwise, my head flops right back down on the pillow. But after I am awake, I have a very hard time getting back to sleep. I am usually up for a couple of hours reading blogs or searching for car seats or something. A couple of months ago, not long after Steven was born, I found this blog by a family from Idaho. They lost their tiny baby girl after a tragic accident. She was 18 months old. I cried and cried as I read everyday while the life of their little one hung in the balance.

It has made me realize how extremely precious life is. After reading and praying along with them, it has really made me appreciate life and what it is, a little bit more. I have since tried to make every second with my little one count because you never know when it will all be taken away.

I have been doing a lot of thinking and praying lately about a few issues. It was not so long ago I was writing and struggling, wishing for a child. It is no secret that we waited and prayed for five years for out little one. We endured two miscarriages and so many heartaches, month after month of nothing. And now, I have this beautiful little spirit in my arms. What did I do right to deserve him? What good did I do to deserve such an incredible blessing? An attitude of gratitude is something we have been counseled to have and I am trying more to do that. I am so eternally grateful for the sweet spirited little guy who sleeps so soundly in the next room over. I am so grateful I have the opportunity to be his mother. I didn't know it was possible to love so much, so deeply. Words on a page cannot describe the fullness in my heart, the feeling I get in my throat as I try to hold back tears when I hold him and kiss him. I cannot take a single second of his precious life for granted. I relish everything I can from him. He teaches me everyday and everyday, I can be a bit better...

Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels!
-- David O. McKay

I only hope that I can live worthily of such a blessing in my life. I only hope that I can fulfill the measure of this most high, holy calling. I try not to take any moment for granted...