Thursday, August 28, 2008

A Differant Dream

When I was 17 and graduating high school I thought I had my entire life planned out ahead of me. I was going to Rick's College, and there I would meet the man of my dreams, be married in December, have our first child within the year, and another every two years. He would be a doctor, make enough money that I could stay home, raise our family, have a yard and garden, a big house, go on trips, and live happily ever after. I realized by the time I graduated with barely having a date in college, my plans would be significantly different.

I didn't marry until I was 22, I had a career, and it is hard work for happily ever after. (I think it is a journey, not a destination!!) Fast forward 4 years: We still don't have any children, no house or garden, we occasionally get out for a trip. This is not what I imagined as a teenager! But I am grateful for what is. Some days, I seem to wallow in my self pity of "Why can't I get pregnant?"or "Why me?" But I try to make those days less and less. Today, I am grateful. I have been working 50-55 hours a week and feeling very tired and missing my hubby, but I had this morning to ponder, soul search, reconnect. I found blogs of people I know who have been in similar situations, where life has not handed them what they dreamed, at least in the way they dreamed it. My heart is full, and yet it aches for others who so desperately want their dreams fulfilled. I don't understand why it is the way it is. But I do trust that there is plan for each of us, despite what we are struggling with. I love you and I thank you for your constant support and prayers! I hope that no matter your struggles, you are able to find peace and love!

9 comments:

Lind Family said...

Man, Brandy! I think we had the same exact dream and expectations! I know that things haven't turned out exactly as we have wanted but I KNOW that the Lord loves us! He just blesses us in different ways than we think he should! ;o) Have a fabulous day! I love you!

Rawlings Family said...

I've been awaiting another post! You think you love my blogs, I adore yours. How I wish your dream for children could come true! We have yet to have a house, a real job, that yard and garden, and continue to work hard by doing school and work and family, but you have made me remember the blessings I do have in my husband and children. Thanks Brandy! I sure do love you.

The Adams family said...

Thank you so much! I really need to read that today! I feel exactly the same way! I thought I would be in a different place in life by now! I feel those days when you have to dig down to relaize everything that we have is such a blessing from above. I sure love you and know that if you hang in there it will come for you! If it helps you look amazing these days!

Adam and Kym said...

I would like to meet someone whose dreams of what their life would be like actually came true. I don't think those people exist! Someday all of this will make sense. Someday we will wonder why we were in such a hurry for everything to happen. I love you and my heart is with you. I am glad that I have a best friend to endure with!

The Gray Gang said...

i love reading your blog! So much inspiration!!!

Darci and Ryan said...

Brandy,

This is Darci Lewis (Hall)You are so sweet, I have always loved your sweet spirit. I am so glad that I ran across your blog to be able to see what you have been up to. I have often thought of you since school. Life is a little bit crazy isn't it, and so unpredictable, but at least we know that Heavenly Father knows how it will all pan out. You are AMAZING! Hope to keep in touch, email me at rsllewis@gmail.com and I will send you a link to our blog if you want. Have a great day!

Get Bent said...

I feel you Brandy. Even though I couldn't imagine the pain you must feel on a daily basis of not being able to get pregnant. I want a house so bad though, and it seems like alot of other people have all their ducks in a row, it is a journey- that is a great way to think about it. Love you & miss you! I will keep you & Matt in my thoughts & prayers. :)

Melinda said...

Definitely know all that stuff! The timing of my marriage went exactly as dreamed for me, but everything else has been a "wait a minute, it's not supposed to be like this!" I love your perspective and I think that the reason why our dreams never become reality because our dreams involve a perfect life with maybe a "few" small trials that everyone has, but the truth is, the life our dreams would create would never make us strong enough to be worthy of eternal life. You are such an inspiration to us!!

Suzie-Q said...

Life is crazy sometimes, I totally agree. We never know what to expect at anytime. I just know that every morning whether i want it or not I have a 4 yr old come in and wake me up way too early! I just calmly have to get him back in bed where he belongs.
So what are you up to?
I am glad that I found your blog now you have to look at mine!