Monday, March 31, 2008

Hope

I know that this is my second post of the day, but I fought back and forth in my heart about posting this. I decided that if nothing else, support and prayers will come out of it all. Thank you ahead of time for your love!

As some of you may know, Matt and I have been trying to have a child for over 2 years, but with little success. We miscarried last year and have been devistated about it, but luckily we have a knowledge of the Plan of Salvation and have found a peace amidst all of the turmoil. We decided to meet with a Social Worker and start filling out paperwork for adoption. We held onto the paperwork for quite sometime trying to decide if this was the right option for us. After much praying and fasting, we both recieved a confirmation that this was going to be a good road to travel down.

We haven't heard anything since putting our papers in. In the meantime, we have fun trying to concieve as well. :) Saturday night I recieved a call from Matt while he was out running an errand for me. His mom's friend in Texas had recieved a phone call about a child that needed to be adopted immediately. The adoptive parents had pulled out at the last minute. Tears filled my eyes: this was an answer to many, many prayers! And then Matt relayed the story of this sweet, precious little girl. She was born with a severe handicap called Prater Willie Syndrome. I spent a lot of time reading that evening and a lot of time praying and speaking to friends and family. This child would require 24/7 care, millions of dollars in medical bills, and a very strong mommy to take care of her. Logically, I knew I could not do it. I felt deep down inside that I was not the Mom this child needed right now, and Matt had the exact same feeling. But emotionally I thought, if anyone can give this baby girl enough love, faith, and hope for the future, it was me.

Matt and I dropped to our knees many times to pray and even fasted yesterday about it. I recieved a peace, a peace I wasn't expecting. I had assumed that Heavenly Father would say, Yes, please raise this child up in the Gospel. But the answer we both recieved was we are not the parents for this special child. So, although my heart is broken, I am at peace with it all. I have shed my tears and now I smile for the future of this little one. I pray for her and hope that she will be with the mommy and daddy who need her as much as she needs them.

5 comments:

Kristina said...

Your strenght though all of this is amazing to me. I just wanted to tell you that I'm so proud of you, and I know that you're right. The Lord will help you and Matt find what you need. I love you.

Liz said...

Hey Brandy! Thanks for sharing that! You are in my prayers and thoughts! Please keep us updated!

Lisa said...

You are such an example. How hard it must be! Keep your chin up - the Lord must have such a special child waiting for you! Good luck and feel free to call if you ever need some support (or some stories of how exasperating children are. . . :)

Get Bent said...

Well, Liz and Lisa said pretty much what I started to type.
Isn't it amazing what Heavenly father will witness to us?

Children are exasperating, especially toddlers, but when they smile, and you know that they are yours...nothing beats that.

Love ya!

Melinda said...

Thank you for sharing. There aren't enough stories shared about when an answer isn't what everyone else would think it should be, but are nevertheless right. Like the decision I made to not go on a mission, even though I had a desire. If I had, someone else would have scooped Cory up! Or the decision we made for me to go to work full time. Logically makes no sense in what you would think the plan should be, but there is that peace. And I don't think anyone else has ever been able to describe the coexistence of heartache and peace that I've felt with this latter decision than you. You're just the best, Brandy!!