Touch a Truck

September 22
Steven.  Loves.  Trucks.
I mean, maybe all little boys do, but Steven really loves trucks.  When I saw that there was a cool event called Touch a Truck I knew it was a perfect opportunity for my boys to get out together and have some fun.  Doesn't it just sound like a perfect Father/Son Outing?  They had a blast!  Here are some pictures of the trucks that Matt took.

Taking a moment to be real

I think sometimes I make it look as if my life is perfect, that I am perfect.  I guess when Steven looks back on his life I want him to remember all of the good things.  I want him to know that I love him unconditionally.  I don't want him to remember that I yell occassionaly or I put myself in time out sometimes.  I want to be the cool mom and have the cool house where the kids can all congregate together for cookies after school while their parents are at work, or the place they know they can always come.  I want my children to feel safe and protected.  I guess that is why I try to keep that stuff to myself, but I have realized, I am being totally fake.  I make everything seem like "unicorns and rainbows" (according to a student). 

I think money is tight for a lot of people right now.  With Matt's job and all of our bills, we are in the hole...without groceries or gas or diapers or needing a new fall/winter wardrobe for the little guy.  To be honest, I am not sure how we have made it thus far, but I do know that we pay an honest tithe and turn the rest over to the Lord for his blessing and safe keeping.  I worry constantly about it, even though I know I shouldn't. 

Infertility.  I guess when your child turns 2 you should just automatically be pregnant with another one, but it hasn't worked out that way for us.  We struggled more than 5 years to get our precious miracle, Steven.  I really hope I don't have to wait 5 more years!  I am 30....my eggs are getting old!!  I think Steven needs a brother (although I am not sure how the whole sharing Mama thing will work!!)  Because people ask, here ya go...my OB/GYN is not in network with our insurance. What that means is they will pay 0% of a visit or treatments or anything!  I looked so long and hard for her and when through so many OB/GYNs who just said, "You are too fat to have kids.  Get some weight off and you will get pregnant just like that."  You have NO idea how much I cried and cried about these comments.  My OB gave me hope and helped me get my little boy here.  I thought, "Well, I guess I will find someone new in 2013.  Work really hard to lose the weight I can."  We'll see....right now, I have no plans.  Just becuase everyone asks (random people at the supermarket asking if he is going to have a brother or sister) we have not prevented having children for a very long time.  We are "trying" by plotting my body.  There ya go....

Relationships.  I am always working on being more patient, more kind, more sincere with my family.  I try very, very hard.  I never had an ounce of anger until I got married.  I didn't know what anger was.  And then a bomb exploded inside me.  My poor husband.  It is amazing the things that are genetic, but I sure try!! 

I have struggled with depression since I was about 13.  I have been on and off medication since then.  (the only reason I go off is for financial reasons.  I really NEED to be on it.  No, I am not addicted, but I know my body, my brain.  I know how the meds work, and work with me).  I am struggling very hard with this, even though I KNOW I have every single blessing in the world I could want.  Thank goodness for that sweet little 2 year old who forces me out of bed every single morning.  Man, I love that boy so much!!

So, I think that is enough real for now....
I am not sure if I feel better writing it or not, but I feel I am lying to myself, my future posterity, if I don't write a bit about my struggles.  I could feel volumes, but I think that is enough.  :)

Taking time to be silly

It is important to me to laugh in our home....like real big belly cracking laugh.  Laughing releases happy hormones and makes things better for all of us I think.  Steven definatly knows and understands about laughing.  He does things all of the time to make us smile and laugh, including himself.  I am so blessed to have his sweet spirit in my home!  Love you Bug!!

Bronco Family

We are a Bronco Family, through and though.  Okay, so I was not born into a family that loved sports, but I sure married into one that does.  According to Matt, we bleed blue and Orange.  I have really had a hard time in the past with football.  It is usually played on Sunday, which is my sacred day with my family.  It takes up so much time, but as Steven gets older I have really tried to make a conscious effort to try and not resist so much.  I have even tried to enjoy it.  This year the Broncos have Peyton Manning.  HOpefully he will be worth the millions and millions of dollars Denver has spent on him.  So here is the 2012 fooball season!  Go Broncos!

Steven is so cute about the Broncos!  He has picked up a couple of cute things.  He says, "Go Broncos!"  Adorable.  He screams it.  My other favorite thing to do is say, "Go Raiders!"  Or "Go Patriots."  or some other team.  He gets really upset and says, "No.  No.  Go Broncos."  He throws a bit of a fit about it.  So cute. 

The Little Things

I seriously feel like I need to blog everyday.  I don't want to forget a single memory I have of my little one, so I am going to be better about recording all of the sweet, little things (even if I don't have a picture of them). 

-Oh Steven, you have really started to come along in your speech.  You surprise me over and over again.  Your sentences are getting so much more clear.  When you want to get down from the table you say, "Excuse Please." 

-My favorite part of any day is getting ready for nap time.  We read a book or two, you turn off the light and then we get to snuggle and rock.  You so sweet to afford me these times together.  I know you are getting bigger and it is harder for you to relax, but I will never, ever forget the snuggles and loves you give me during this time.
After nap time, you usually bring your blanket to where ever I am and want to snuggle for just a bit,  It always takes you awhile to wake up, and I am okay with that.

-Lately, you have been asking during the day at random times for a "hug" or a "kiss."  Many times you ask to be picked up and you say, "Rock."  You just need your lovins, just like your mom. When you kiss me, you kiss me right on the lips.  Usually for everyone else you still give them "raspberry kisses" but I am the lucky one.  Sometimes you ask me to kiss you on the lips and the cheeks and the forehead....

-You suckered Mama and Daddy into a Broncos Backpack at Walmart the other day.  You absolutely refused to put it back  And then you started cuddling with it.  Daddy and I looked at each other and we knew we had been whooped.  You got the backpack.  But ya know what?  You have actually carried it with you to the store and the library.  What do you suppose it in that thing?  Tractors and fruit snacks.  You are such a sweetie and I am ever so grateful for you.

-You LOVE reading books, particularly books about trucks.  When I read Jack's House to you, you can finish a lot of the sentences. I love that you ask several time during the day to read a book with me.  I love how you cuddle up next to me.  I love how you turn the pages.

-Everyday at lunch you want to say the prayer on the food.

-You can count to 10 all by yourself!  And you do very well at your ABC's.  I can stop at any letter and you can tell me the next one, although you won't do all of them by yourself yet.  You also love singing.  Your favorites are "I am Like a Star, " "Book of Mormon Stories" and "Popcorn Popping." 

-I love spending time with you Steven.  I am so grateful for every second I have with you, every single moment.  I can't express to you my love, my devotion, my heart to you.  You have made me a Mama, and you make me so happy.  I want you to be happy.  I want the absolute best for you.  I cannot imagine my life without you and I pray, very very fervently, I never have to.  I love you Steven Robert! 

My 2 year old photographer

Steven loves the camera!  After I take a picture he insists to "See" it.  So, I have been trying to teach him a bit about the camera.  He totally cracks me up!  So, for your viewing pleasure, photos from a 2 year old. 

Capturing his tan lines

LOVE the boobie shot.  Thanks sweetie!!

Kansas Cousins

My amazing mother-in-law had back surgery awhile ago.  My great sister-in-law from Kansas came to help out, and with that brought 2 cousins to play.  It was a hoot I tell ya!  There were 4 of them all together, 3 and under, and they loved each other.  Well, okay, let's be honest...they didn't always love one another or get along, but it was great watching them interact.  My favorite was Henry and Steven.  Henry is 363 days older than Steven, but Steven has 10 pounds and 2 inches on him!  They absolutely LOVED each other.  Up until right before they left, Henry always called Steven "Steese."  It makes me smile.  Those 2 little boys played and played together.  Steven always wanted to know what Henry was doing.  And a week or so later, he still asks me about Henry. 

Nana and grandpa have 2 little wagons and those boys pulled those wagons around everywhere.  I took them outside and they filled them up with rocks and pulled them all over the neighborhood. 

At one point they lifted up their shirts and were talking to each other about their belly buttons.  I was totally cracking up about it!  They discovered that "Hey!  We both have belly buttons.  How cool are we?" 

At one point, I took the two oldest boys to the store.  It was such a riot!  It cracked me up!!  We went to Target and the minute the boys walked in, they were trouble!  They were holding hands (which I totally missed getting a picture of) but their eyes got really big.  Henry said, "Look Steven.  Toys.  Come on, lets go."  And proceeded to run wiht his cousin attached at his hand to the toy section to look at trucks.  I was dying!!  It doesn't get any cuter than that!!  

 But overall, they were good listeners.  They got wraping paper rolls and started sword fighting. 

Overall, they did a pretty good job for a 2 and 3 year old. 

In other news, cousins playing the piano together

And does it not get any cuter than this?  4 cousins walking hand in hand into Burger King to enjoy some playing and a meal together.  I. am. in. heaven!  I love cousin play time!!

Camping

We have wanted to go camping as a family for a very long time.  I think we have both been a little apprehensive about taking a toddler.  Lately, it just to be too much.  My thirst for the mountains and nature had to be quenched.  We spent quite a bit of time trying to plan, but I guess sometimes you just have to expect the unexpected. 

Before we even left, we were in for it.  Wally, Steven and I were outside playing Frisbee to run off some of their energy before we finished packing and took off when Matt got home.  I had just given Steven the "5 minute warning) and thrown the Frisbee again for Wally.  As Wally was bringing it back to me, he stopped dead in his tracks and started licking his paw.  He had an a small previous injury from another dog so I didn't think anything of it.  Until he got to me.  In a matter of seconds, I was drenched in blood and I knew he had cut his paw pretty badly.  I brought them both inside and started inspecting the damage.  Steven was so sweet.  He sat and held Wally's head for me as I tried to inspect, clean and bandage the wound to take him to the hospital. 

We were lucky that we got right in to the vet.  Upon better inspection, it was a pretty deep cut,  They talked about stitches and putting him under or they could super-glue it and bandage it.  We opted for the glue and bandage.  (more on that later) but that meant Wally would have to really lay low and not participate in much activity.  We got on the road about 2 hours later than expected with our little setback, but looking back, it all turned out okay.

On the way in the car, Steven was really going crazy.  You could tell he was really tired and needed to go down.  Luckily, about 30 minutes into our almost 2 hour trip, he zonked out hard!  When we finally got to the campsite, they were full.  I mean, to the max full.  I was in hysterics and to be truthful, I was beyond angry with Matt for not making a reservation.  Upon seeing we had a little guy, the campground host told us of a place we could camp for free but there was no running water or bathrooms.  It was really "roughing it."  We drove another 30-45 minutes and there it was.  In the middle of absolutely nowhere.  Hardly another car or someone else camping for a long way. 

Looking back now, I realize our Heavenly Father was watching over us.  We found somewhere where there were some neighbors close by, but not so close that they would intrude on us or visa versa.  I don't think i have been "roughing it" since our 4th year Hike at Girls Camp.  I gotta tell ya, it was great.  Well, except for the no potty thing, but I did get pretty good about "popping a squat" as we used to call it.  There was a little stream there we had all to ourselves and down the path about 1/2 a mile we found a log bridge over the stream that Steven LOVED crossing. 

Matt went into town that first night for matches.  I was a little leery of being on my own with my boy, but it was okay.  I prayed...a lot...and I know we were protected.  I am always a kinda "worse case scenario" kinda girl, (this may stem from watching too much Unsolved Mysteries, reading too may crazy mystery/murder books, and SVU) but we were absolutely watched over.  Upon returning, Matt tried to light a fire, but to no avail.  It wasn't happening.  After he was drenched, we decided to give up and just figure it out in the tent together. 

We ate peanut butter sandwiches and talked together.  We bundled up our little boy, said our prayers and eventually, we all got to sleep.  I was so worried about Steven that I didn't sleep at all that night.  (And I had Norah Jones songs running through my head all night.  I tired every meditation I knew to relax and sleep, but to no avail.)  By morning, all 4 of us were in the sleeping bag together.  Even Wally was shivering during the night so he crawled in too.  No room to roll over, but oh so cozy together.

In the morning, Matt got up and went into town again to buy some lighter fluid to get the fire going.  Everything I brought to eat depended upon that fire starting!  Luckily, Steven slept late into the morning and I didn't have to find much to entertain him before Matt got back.  As I was dressing him for the morning, he had on a gray shirt and red pants.  He looked down, saw what he was wearing and shouted "No Match!"  I put his coat on and he was okay until it was time to start shedding layers.

Matt and Steven found sticks and were sword fighting.  I am not sure how Steven knew what to do, but he picked up the stick and started it.  I think Daddy and I need to talk about what tv is happening while Mama is not home!

Matt got a fire started and we had hot dogs and smores for breakfast.  (Steven ended up eating something more healthy but I only eat hot dogs when I am camping and I wanted one bad!!)  We kept a fire burning most of the morning as we didn't want to haul firewood back with us.  Matt was always trying to teach our little guy about some kind of scout thing or survival skills.  That Daddy is going to have fun with his little guy as he gets older! 

We played some more, took a couple more hikes and headed home about 2pm so Bug could sleep on the way home.  All in all, not what we expected, but I think it turned out better being on our own.  It was great not to have to worry about noise or other people (just bears and someone breaking into our tent).  I hope we can do it again next year, and even more often!